Post by thegeneralissimo on May 13, 2024 2:58:35 GMT
8:15pm [R]ST
5/10/2024
My eyes dance rapidly side to side, as if they are bulging against the edges of my eye sockets. I take a deep breath, lookin’ ‘round the room at the gaggle of a mysterious birdmen standing there. Their battle armor shimmering, the edges of their medieval weaponry glimmer and twinkle in the light of the tiki torches that surround the field and the large fire in the center.
“Friends!” I shout gesturing with a wave of my arm to my left. My cape is hangin’ there, it’s pretty damn awesome if I do say so myself, and I throw that damn cape over my other shoulder and wave my other hand ‘round like some-type-a sorcerer again.
“Subjects!” I exclaim again, the birdmen are glarin’ real furiously now, their faces don’t change much, but they sure are stompin’ their feet and clammerin’. I think I even hear a little of that funny bird speak they use, lil bit of a whistle, lil bit of a cluck, never a gobble though. Everyone gets real mad at a good gobble. You shoulda seen the last funeral, boy oh boy was that a special night. Everyone got real mad when I started gobblin’ when they brought the corpse out ta the table. Wooooh boy was he delightful though.
“MONSTERS!” That there is the real stomp, that’s the one I really wanted ta hear and see, I wave both my arms around and twirl in the center of the group. I look out at that fire, I can hear ‘em stompin’ away, I can hear the Monster Army of [REDACTED]LAND behind me beginning ta roar as the flames climb higher and higher.
“WE BURN THE EFFIGY OF A DECEIVER! OF A TRAITOR! OF A COWARD! WE BURN THE EFFIGY OF THE OTHER WORLDS GODS AND FAVORED CREATURES!” My chest heaves as I catch my breath, a drop of perspiration slides down my cheek. I look at the creatures eyes, makin’ sure I have them captivated fer what’s next. Makin’ sure I have ‘em right where I want ‘em, right where I fuckin’ need ta have ‘em. Where I have ta have ‘em.
“THEY ABHORE OUR WAYS! THEY ABHOR OUR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE! THEY DESPISE US! THEY MISTREAT US! THEY VILIFY US IN THEIR STORIES THEY TELL THEIR LIL ONES AT NIGHT!” The birdmen look at me intently as they clamor their way towards me and the fire. I snatch a barely burning photograph from the fire and hold it into the air above my head, wavin’ that fire ‘round like it’s the 4th of July and we’re all outside celebratin’ freedom. I take a deep breath, and hold my arms out to quiet the mass of birds, and monsters.
“The NPWA has given me a chance to avenge the slight this man has caused us. They’ve given me the opportunity to right all the wrongs they have put upon us all.” My tone dips, somber and determined now.
“And sure, the odds might be stacked up high against me, but that ain’t never stopped our lord and father Dale, so like the ‘Intimidator’ I gotta do a little rubbin’. I gotta go through all the other wrestlers out there, but then, but then My Friends, My Subjects, My Monsters. Then. I get ta avenge us all. I get ta show them we ain’t just no monsters.” I let the crowd build against. This time, the anger and fury will empower us. It will lead us all to the promised land. I just have ta show them how ta get there.
“That we ain’t no bedtime stories!” I spin again grabbing two new half burned photos from the fire and hold them out towards the masses.
“THAT WE ARE NOT VILLAINS!” I turn, my chest heaves, the rage and adrenaline are coursing through my body. I’m sure if my Momma was here she would be talkin’ ‘bout how I need ta calm down or my heart’s gonna ‘splodey like my Daddy’s did. But I ain’t listenin’, now ain’t the time fer that ungrateful bitches thoughts.
“And to show them that, this man, this man right here,” I drop one of the photos down to the ground and let it drift and flutter side ta side as it goes. My steel tipped boot crashes down on top of it and I drive the heel of the boot inta the dirt.
“Sean Parker.” Yeah, that stupid lookin’ fucker. I point at the other burning photo and show it real close to all the bird men.
“Sean Parker must die.”
The Birdmen begin stomping wildly, drums begin to play far off into the jungle, the Monster Menagerie of [REDACTED]LAND picks me up on our large young lion Shinji’s shoulders, I grab two more burning photos and shake them at the crowd crazily as Shinji steadies himself underneath my considerable weight.
“SEAN PARKER MUST DIE!” I shriek beneath the full moon as the birdmen let out the blood curdling horrifying gobble I’ve ever heard. Jesus Christ that was fuckin’ terrifyin’. No wonder they don’t like people gobblin’ about like it ain’t no big deal. Anyway, Sean Parker. Yer fucked.
—-----------------------------------------
So anyway, I let him skip ahead. He was excited, anyway, I’m the narrator. Hello, how are you all doing today? I hope this finds you well. The Generalissimo, my favorite person on the planet, our supreme leader, the most wonderful person in existence, has taken it upon himself to tell all of you all about his new adventure. He was very excited about all the fire, and boy did he like the turkeys screaming away. I actually shit myself, and was briefly visible to everyone. But luckily, I was able to run off and get myself cleaned up before anyone noticed the random floating pile of shit walking around the grounds.
What, because I’m invisible you think my shit is invisible too? Invisible people have bathroom needs you fucking asshole. Their’s no need to go around and unlock every bathroom stall that happens to be locked from the inside and it looks like nobody is in there. Does it smell like nobody was in there? Why when you open it do you see a big steaming pile of brown shit but no person? IT’S BECAUSE I’M SHITTING YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. This is what The Generalissimo fights for, he fights for all of us, he fights for our rights, and our freedoms. He fights to protect us. And when it comes to this battle royal, he’s going to fight for all of you to start respecting us.
And you fucking better.
Anyway, back to the story you lovely bunch of wonderful ‘normies’ with your normal things, and your normal lives. The Generalissimo was in a bit of a jam today, you see the birdmen of [REDACTED]LAND have been debating if this trip off the island is really necessary. Is this excursion in our best interests, is interacting with the outside world again really what’s best for us, is it what’s best for them? I mean, I’m an expansionist. I believe that everyone should respect everyone, and that monsters and humans can live and work in harmony together. But you know, there’s always two sides to every coin.
Some of those raging dipshits on the other side don’t think we can compromise with them, and really just want all of us nice, lovely, monsters, to stay the fuck away from all of those normies and live our happy lives here on this island paradise by ourselves. But fuck all that. At least that’s what The Generalissimo would say.
Well that’s what he did say.
See today they came to see The Generalissimo and tried to get him to not leave the island. I was watching the entire thing. I was just sitting there, watching him as he stroked his hand across his wonderful gold locks, and was really just enjoying having a great day with my, I’m sorry, our Generalissimo, and then suddenly these very angry birdmen came into the room. I even heard them do their angry bird gobble and everything. So I was reading their little birdbrains figuring out what they were coming in for, and to my horror, they disagreed with The Generalissimo’s actions.
He was horrified too. He offered them a nice seat over by the window of our really tall building. Then he opened the window, thought he dropped his phone out of it, when it was clearly in his pocket, that little forgetful klutz. Anyway he asked the birdmen to help him find it, then The Generalissimo stumbled and the birdmen happened to fall tragically to their deaths. I witnessed the entire thing, and The Generalissimo did everything right I think. Anyway, while I was there The Generalissimo sent for Lord Kurosame-sama, his shark friend and right hand man.
The shark showed up, and brought the real scary a mysterious birdman with him. They all talked in quiet voices, but, and I’m no expert in shark, but I think Lord Kurosame-sama was talking about the birdmen didn’t believe the boss had a chance because some guy named Sean Parker got picked before him and he’s super good at wrestling. Then a mysterious birdman told The Generalissimo that to earn the bird’s respect he needed to call a war band, and go murder Sean Parker.
I hope The Generalissimo doesn’t have to actually kill Sean Parker. He seems like a nice guy, and The Generalissimo is a great guy and shouldn’t have to put himself through that. But you know, that’s the country leading business I guess. Anyway, so they had a good chat, and they planned this big bonfire, then had a bunch of posters shipped in. It was a busy day. And if The Generalissimo kills Sean Parker, well, he probably had it coming. I mean look at that smug little shit. I can't believe someone would think he's better than my love, I mean, our love, our fearless leader. Our Generalissimo. Sean must be a fucking prick, and all those other people in this match better stay away from The Generalissimo. Because he doesn't know who the fuck you are, and he doesn't care. Sean Parker is the only thing that matters now.
I’m tired though, and he’s still really excited, from the big party. So anyway, have a great day!
RAISE HELL!
PRAISE DALE!
AMEN!
5/10/2024
My eyes dance rapidly side to side, as if they are bulging against the edges of my eye sockets. I take a deep breath, lookin’ ‘round the room at the gaggle of a mysterious birdmen standing there. Their battle armor shimmering, the edges of their medieval weaponry glimmer and twinkle in the light of the tiki torches that surround the field and the large fire in the center.
“Friends!” I shout gesturing with a wave of my arm to my left. My cape is hangin’ there, it’s pretty damn awesome if I do say so myself, and I throw that damn cape over my other shoulder and wave my other hand ‘round like some-type-a sorcerer again.
“Subjects!” I exclaim again, the birdmen are glarin’ real furiously now, their faces don’t change much, but they sure are stompin’ their feet and clammerin’. I think I even hear a little of that funny bird speak they use, lil bit of a whistle, lil bit of a cluck, never a gobble though. Everyone gets real mad at a good gobble. You shoulda seen the last funeral, boy oh boy was that a special night. Everyone got real mad when I started gobblin’ when they brought the corpse out ta the table. Wooooh boy was he delightful though.
“MONSTERS!” That there is the real stomp, that’s the one I really wanted ta hear and see, I wave both my arms around and twirl in the center of the group. I look out at that fire, I can hear ‘em stompin’ away, I can hear the Monster Army of [REDACTED]LAND behind me beginning ta roar as the flames climb higher and higher.
“WE BURN THE EFFIGY OF A DECEIVER! OF A TRAITOR! OF A COWARD! WE BURN THE EFFIGY OF THE OTHER WORLDS GODS AND FAVORED CREATURES!” My chest heaves as I catch my breath, a drop of perspiration slides down my cheek. I look at the creatures eyes, makin’ sure I have them captivated fer what’s next. Makin’ sure I have ‘em right where I want ‘em, right where I fuckin’ need ta have ‘em. Where I have ta have ‘em.
“THEY ABHORE OUR WAYS! THEY ABHOR OUR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE! THEY DESPISE US! THEY MISTREAT US! THEY VILIFY US IN THEIR STORIES THEY TELL THEIR LIL ONES AT NIGHT!” The birdmen look at me intently as they clamor their way towards me and the fire. I snatch a barely burning photograph from the fire and hold it into the air above my head, wavin’ that fire ‘round like it’s the 4th of July and we’re all outside celebratin’ freedom. I take a deep breath, and hold my arms out to quiet the mass of birds, and monsters.
“The NPWA has given me a chance to avenge the slight this man has caused us. They’ve given me the opportunity to right all the wrongs they have put upon us all.” My tone dips, somber and determined now.
“And sure, the odds might be stacked up high against me, but that ain’t never stopped our lord and father Dale, so like the ‘Intimidator’ I gotta do a little rubbin’. I gotta go through all the other wrestlers out there, but then, but then My Friends, My Subjects, My Monsters. Then. I get ta avenge us all. I get ta show them we ain’t just no monsters.” I let the crowd build against. This time, the anger and fury will empower us. It will lead us all to the promised land. I just have ta show them how ta get there.
“That we ain’t no bedtime stories!” I spin again grabbing two new half burned photos from the fire and hold them out towards the masses.
“THAT WE ARE NOT VILLAINS!” I turn, my chest heaves, the rage and adrenaline are coursing through my body. I’m sure if my Momma was here she would be talkin’ ‘bout how I need ta calm down or my heart’s gonna ‘splodey like my Daddy’s did. But I ain’t listenin’, now ain’t the time fer that ungrateful bitches thoughts.
“And to show them that, this man, this man right here,” I drop one of the photos down to the ground and let it drift and flutter side ta side as it goes. My steel tipped boot crashes down on top of it and I drive the heel of the boot inta the dirt.
“Sean Parker.” Yeah, that stupid lookin’ fucker. I point at the other burning photo and show it real close to all the bird men.
“Sean Parker must die.”
The Birdmen begin stomping wildly, drums begin to play far off into the jungle, the Monster Menagerie of [REDACTED]LAND picks me up on our large young lion Shinji’s shoulders, I grab two more burning photos and shake them at the crowd crazily as Shinji steadies himself underneath my considerable weight.
“SEAN PARKER MUST DIE!” I shriek beneath the full moon as the birdmen let out the blood curdling horrifying gobble I’ve ever heard. Jesus Christ that was fuckin’ terrifyin’. No wonder they don’t like people gobblin’ about like it ain’t no big deal. Anyway, Sean Parker. Yer fucked.
—-----------------------------------------
So anyway, I let him skip ahead. He was excited, anyway, I’m the narrator. Hello, how are you all doing today? I hope this finds you well. The Generalissimo, my favorite person on the planet, our supreme leader, the most wonderful person in existence, has taken it upon himself to tell all of you all about his new adventure. He was very excited about all the fire, and boy did he like the turkeys screaming away. I actually shit myself, and was briefly visible to everyone. But luckily, I was able to run off and get myself cleaned up before anyone noticed the random floating pile of shit walking around the grounds.
What, because I’m invisible you think my shit is invisible too? Invisible people have bathroom needs you fucking asshole. Their’s no need to go around and unlock every bathroom stall that happens to be locked from the inside and it looks like nobody is in there. Does it smell like nobody was in there? Why when you open it do you see a big steaming pile of brown shit but no person? IT’S BECAUSE I’M SHITTING YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. This is what The Generalissimo fights for, he fights for all of us, he fights for our rights, and our freedoms. He fights to protect us. And when it comes to this battle royal, he’s going to fight for all of you to start respecting us.
And you fucking better.
Anyway, back to the story you lovely bunch of wonderful ‘normies’ with your normal things, and your normal lives. The Generalissimo was in a bit of a jam today, you see the birdmen of [REDACTED]LAND have been debating if this trip off the island is really necessary. Is this excursion in our best interests, is interacting with the outside world again really what’s best for us, is it what’s best for them? I mean, I’m an expansionist. I believe that everyone should respect everyone, and that monsters and humans can live and work in harmony together. But you know, there’s always two sides to every coin.
Some of those raging dipshits on the other side don’t think we can compromise with them, and really just want all of us nice, lovely, monsters, to stay the fuck away from all of those normies and live our happy lives here on this island paradise by ourselves. But fuck all that. At least that’s what The Generalissimo would say.
Well that’s what he did say.
See today they came to see The Generalissimo and tried to get him to not leave the island. I was watching the entire thing. I was just sitting there, watching him as he stroked his hand across his wonderful gold locks, and was really just enjoying having a great day with my, I’m sorry, our Generalissimo, and then suddenly these very angry birdmen came into the room. I even heard them do their angry bird gobble and everything. So I was reading their little birdbrains figuring out what they were coming in for, and to my horror, they disagreed with The Generalissimo’s actions.
He was horrified too. He offered them a nice seat over by the window of our really tall building. Then he opened the window, thought he dropped his phone out of it, when it was clearly in his pocket, that little forgetful klutz. Anyway he asked the birdmen to help him find it, then The Generalissimo stumbled and the birdmen happened to fall tragically to their deaths. I witnessed the entire thing, and The Generalissimo did everything right I think. Anyway, while I was there The Generalissimo sent for Lord Kurosame-sama, his shark friend and right hand man.
The shark showed up, and brought the real scary a mysterious birdman with him. They all talked in quiet voices, but, and I’m no expert in shark, but I think Lord Kurosame-sama was talking about the birdmen didn’t believe the boss had a chance because some guy named Sean Parker got picked before him and he’s super good at wrestling. Then a mysterious birdman told The Generalissimo that to earn the bird’s respect he needed to call a war band, and go murder Sean Parker.
I hope The Generalissimo doesn’t have to actually kill Sean Parker. He seems like a nice guy, and The Generalissimo is a great guy and shouldn’t have to put himself through that. But you know, that’s the country leading business I guess. Anyway, so they had a good chat, and they planned this big bonfire, then had a bunch of posters shipped in. It was a busy day. And if The Generalissimo kills Sean Parker, well, he probably had it coming. I mean look at that smug little shit. I can't believe someone would think he's better than my love, I mean, our love, our fearless leader. Our Generalissimo. Sean must be a fucking prick, and all those other people in this match better stay away from The Generalissimo. Because he doesn't know who the fuck you are, and he doesn't care. Sean Parker is the only thing that matters now.
I’m tired though, and he’s still really excited, from the big party. So anyway, have a great day!
RAISE HELL!
PRAISE DALE!
AMEN!